Stories from the Therapy Room: The Saddest Thing About Good Kids Is That Even Their Breakdowns Are Quiet

I work as a counselor with the NHS, and I've seen many international students walk into my office.

Most of them are the "good kids" type—the ones their parents see as "mature," "independent," and "never a worry."

The first thing they usually say when they sit down is:

「I'm not really sure why I'm here. I'm fine, really. My mum just made me come.」

And then they start sharing things they've never told their parents.

One girl told me:

「Every time I video call my mum, I have to fix my expression first and rehearse saying 'I'm fine.'」

「I'm scared she'll say 'You look tired,' because I know she'll start worrying, and then I'll feel guilty.」

「I'm scared she'll ask 'How have you been?' because I don't know how to say 'Not great.'」

She said one time she had just finished crying, and her mum suddenly called.

「I ran to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, got my expression together, and picked up saying 'Mum, I'm fine.'」

「She said 'You look a bit tired,' and I said 'I stayed up late last night.'」

「We talked for ten minutes, and then hung up.」

A boy told me:

「Sometimes I really want to say 'I don't want to keep going,' but I know I can't.」

「Because my mum would say 'We spent so much money sending you abroad.'」

「So I learned to say 'I'm fine,' 'It's nothing,' 'Don't worry.'」

He said one time he couldn't finish his essay, and he sat in the library until it closed.

「That day I cried without making a sound, because I was scared someone would hear me.」

「But the next day I still told my mum 'I'm fine.'」

Another girl told me:

「I feel guilty spending money.」

「They always say 'Don't be stingy, spend when you need to,' but every time I spend something, I'm calculating how many hours they had to work for it.」

「I agonize over buying a piece of clothing for a long time—not because I can't afford it, but because I feel like 'I don't deserve it.'」

She said one time she spent £25 on brunch and took a photo to post on her social media.

After posting it, she regretted it and deleted it.

「Because I felt that £25 meant they had to work for a few hours.」

「And I'm here eating brunch and taking photos, like I'm being so ungrateful.」

The most heartbreaking thing about good kids isn't how much pain they're in.

It's that even their breakdowns are quiet.

They won't kick up a fuss, won't say "I don't want to live anymore," won't post on social media asking for help.

They just become more and more quiet, say "I'm fine" in fewer and fewer words, and stop picking up video calls.

Then their parents think: The kid is so good and mature, they must be doing fine.

There's a word called "mature."

Many parents think it's a good thing when their kids are mature.

But for that child, being "mature" means:

I can't say I'm tired, because if I do, people will say I'm not trying hard enough.

I can't say I'm at my limit, because if I do, people will say I'm too fragile.

I can't say I want to rest, because if I do, people will say I'm being lazy.

So I learned to say "I'm fine," and then I just keep pushing through alone.

If you're also that "good kid," maybe you need a place where you can say the things you're afraid to tell your parents.

Not because you "have a problem," but because you deserve to be heard too.

If you're a parent, maybe you can pause and listen—to the things your child isn't saying.

They might have been waiting all along, waiting for a place where they don't have to pretend "I'm fine."

I'm in Manchester, and I specialize in counseling for international students.

If you'd like to talk, you can message me.