Stories from the Counseling Room: The Days When They Never Post on Moments

An international student told me that sometimes she goes a long time without posting on Moments.

Her mom asked: "Why haven't you posted on Moments lately? Are you that busy?"

She said: "Yeah, pretty busy."

But she told me that wasn't actually why.

She said:

"When I don't post on Moments, it's because there's nothing to post."

"I'm alone in my room, nothing worth sharing."

"But I don't want to post things like 'feeling really down today' because I'm worried they'll worry about me."

"So I just don't post."

She said there was a time when she went a full two weeks without posting on Moments.

Her mom called and asked: "What's going on lately? Is something wrong?"

She said: "Nothing, just pretty busy."

But those two weeks, she'd been alone in her room, feeling really down for a long time.

A boy told me:

"Sometimes I'll delete a post I just made."

"Because after I post it, I'll think 'will this make them worry?'"

"If it will, I delete it."

"So my Moments look clean, but actually they've all been deleted."

He said:

"Before I post anything, I think a lot about it."

"Will this photo make them think I'm not doing well?"

"Will this caption make them worry?"

"If I can't be sure, I don't post."

"So I don't post much—not because I'm doing well, but because I've filtered everything."

A girl told me:

"My Moments look really happy because I only post happy things."

"But actually I'm not happy a lot of the time."

"But I don't want them to know."

"Because knowing won't help—they can't do anything about it."

She said:

"There was a time when I completely shut down, stayed in my room for three days."

"Didn't post on Moments for three days, and then my mom asked me 'what's wrong.'"

"I said 'nothing, just tired.'"

"Actually I wasn't tired—I couldn't hold it together anymore."

"But I knew if I said 'I can't hold it together anymore,' she'd worry, and she'd say 'you need to take care of yourself.'"

"I didn't want to hear that, so I learned to pretend."

A lot of parents judge their child's state through Moments.

"The kid posts often, they must be doing pretty well."

"The kid hasn't posted in a while, is something going on?"

But Moments are filtered glimpses.

The kid might post "nice weather today," when actually they were alone in their room feeling really down.

The kid might not post for a long time—not because they're busy, but because there's nothing to post.

A boy told me:

"Sometimes I want to post on Moments, but I don't know what to post."

"My whole day is: wake up, go to class, back to my room, eat alone, scroll on my phone, sleep."

"Nothing worth posting."

"But I don't want to post 'ate dinner alone today' because I'm worried they'll worry."

"So I choose not to post."

"Then my mom asks 'why haven't you posted on Moments lately.'"

"I say 'nothing to post.'"

"She says 'then post more, let me know how you're doing.'"

"But I don't want her to know, so I keep not posting."

If you're a parent, maybe you could ask:

"Is there anything recent you wanted to share? I'm not saying 'post on Moments for me to see'—I'm asking if there's anything you wanted to remember."

The answer might make you reunderstand your child's "not posting on Moments."

If you're an international student, maybe you could talk to someone.

Not because you "have a problem," but because silence is real, and you deserve to be heard.

I'm based in Manchester, specializing in mental health counseling for international students.

If you'd like to talk, you can message me.