Stories from the Counseling Room: Still Scrolling at 3 AM—It’s Not That I Don’t Want to Sleep, It’s That I Can’t
2026-07-25 · 3 min read
An international student told me he doesn’t go to sleep until two or three in the morning every day.
An international student told me he doesn’t go to sleep until two or three in the morning every day.
His parents always say, "Don’t stay up late, go to bed early."
But he said:
「It’s not that I don’t want to sleep, it’s that I can’t.」
He said:
「When I lie in bed, my mind is full of unfinished tasks and words left unspoken.」
「My phone is the only thing that won’t judge me.」
「Night is the only time I don’t have to pretend.」
「Sometimes I start crying while scrolling, but the next day I’ll still say 'I’m fine'.」
He said once at 3 AM he saw a post on his feed, posted by a classmate:
"Is anyone else not asleep?"
He hesitated for a long time, but didn’t dare to comment.
「Because I felt like I just wanted someone to talk to me, but I didn’t know who to turn to.」
A girl told me:
「My days and nights have flipped recently.」
「I sleep during the day and stay awake at night.」
「Because night is quiet; no one asks me 'how are you', no one expects me to say 'I’m fine'.」
「I spend the whole day pretending; only at night can I stop pretending.」
She said:
「Sometimes I stay up until dawn, and then pretend I slept well.」
「What I tell them is always 'it’s okay', 'I’m fine', 'I didn’t stay up late'.」
「But actually, a lot of the time I lie in bed for two or three hours unable to sleep.」
「My mind won’t stop.」
A boy told me:
「Sometimes I pull all-nighters doing homework, not because there’s a lot of it, but because I don’t want to sleep.」
「Sleeping means tomorrow is coming, and tomorrow means I have to pretend again.」
「So sometimes I’d rather not sleep, because night is the only time I can breathe.」
He said:
「It’s not that I don’t want to sleep early, it’s that my mind won’t stop.」
「I think about things left undone, words said wrong, things I failed to achieve.」
「And then I just can’t sleep.」
Many parents think their child "stays up late playing on their phone" or "lacks self-discipline".
But sometimes, staying up late is the only time a child can breathe.
During the day he has to pretend "I’m fine"; only at night can he stop pretending.
He can get emotional, he can break down, he can stay silent, he can just lie there.
A girl told me:
「Sometimes I’m still scrolling my phone at 3 AM, not because I want to scroll.」
「It’s because I don’t want to face tomorrow.」
「I know the next day I’ll have to say 'I’m fine' again, and pretend everything is normal.」
「So I’d rather stay in the night, because the night doesn’t require pretending.」
She said:
「Once my mom called me at 3 AM, asking why I wasn’t asleep yet.」
「I said 'I’m doing homework'.」
「Actually I was just scrolling my phone because I couldn’t sleep.」
「But I knew if I said 'I can’t sleep' or 'I’m so tired', she would worry, and then she’d say 'don't overthink it'.」
「But I really can’t just 'not overthink it'.」
If you are a parent, instead of saying "don’t stay up late", try asking:
「Have you been sleeping well lately?」
The answer might help you understand your child’s "staying up late" in a new light.
If you are an international student, maybe you can find someone to talk to.
Not because you "have a problem", but because insomnia is real, and you deserve to be heard.
I’m in Manchester, specializing in counseling for international students.
If you want to talk, you can send me a private message.
This article was written by the Chinuk Psychology team for mental health education purposes. It does not constitute medical advice. If you are experiencing serious psychological distress, please seek professional help.
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